December 2011
145 posts
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My boss: you just gotta find your zen place
Me: uh huh
My boss: go mix yourself a jack and coke and bury your nose in your kindle
Me: its 8 in the morning
My boss: when has that ever stopped you
Me: ill make toast too
My boss: there you go
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If you are going to lie
At least have the decency to make it a good one.
She is late because her power went out so she didn’t hear her alarm clock?
That would be believable if this were 1997 and you only had a plug in alarm clock.
I’m assuming you don’t have caller id either, and you screen your calls.
The cell phone you called me on, does it not have an alarm?
Did the power knock your cell out...
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talking with a coworker
about how her boyfriend yells out “yeah you dirty slut”
every time he cums, is so funny to me.
but what i find more hilarious, is the fact that she is crying about it.
she’s literally like “do you really think he thinks i’m a dirty slut?”
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Me: hello?
My boss: are you still out?
Me: yeah
My boss: are you close by?
Me: yeah
My boss: can you pick me up a dollar sweet tea?
Me: no
My boss: I made pound cake
Me: be right there
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me: got any tips for a beginner
dion: swallow
me: what
dion: you weren't talking about that?
me: no
dion: oh
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but like jahnia, i want to cry because i love you so much. and i friggin love that even though we are 800 miles away, you are my best friend and i’d friggin kill for you. swear to God, i’d stab a bitch for you. this isn’t the sappy post i promised, i’m still not by my laptop yet. but i just have this overwhelming, all consuming, completely platonic love for you. and i had...
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Right now
Michelle and I are not earning our paycheck
We are sitting next to each other on the floor
Behind the front desk
Playing on our phones.
Eating all the free cookies.
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me: read this text message if it's okay for me to raid the kitchen
my boss: you make it incredibly hard for people to like you
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If I get one more scarf, I am going to tie them all together, and use it to hang myself off the top of my hotel.
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I’m not sure anyone understands how fucking good this cake is.
My boss made me pound cake.
He grew up in a bakery in poland and then texas.
And this is like some old recipe
I don’t give a shit really
This is so fucking good I want to cry.
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i ran into him at the gas station yesterday morning. i went in to get some rolling paper, and gas. i paid for my stuff and turned around to leave and walked right into someone. i remember his smell. he grabbed my arms and laughed “i see you’re still clumsy”, i look up and he looks so good. so fucking good. “fuck off” i laughed. i bought him that sweater, he can keep...
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stranger: can i come in and use your bathroom
me: no, i can't let you in if you aren't staying here
stranger: that's fucked up, where's your holiday spirit
me: probably lost somewhere with my christianity
stranger: fuck you
me: merry christmas *slids him a candy cane under the window*
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best boss ever
he just stopped by, at 1 in the freakin morning
with food for me. i was STARVING and he came
with food from his christmas eve dinner.
and now i’m eating polish, and texas food.
he is awesome. but i will never tell him that ;)
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every time i am about to have sex with a guy i hear my youth pastor, with his thick ass staten island accent say “your body is for God first, you second, and your husband last. not your boyfriend, not your butt buddy, but your HUSBAND”.
such a fucking cock block.
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“when you don’t want to live anymore, have someone make you die”
he whispered as he rolled off of me, after the best orgasm i have ever had.
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labreebree replied to your post: i love the graveyard shift
damn that’s fucking intense! lol
you have no idea the shit i see working at a hotel at night lol
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i love the graveyard shift
i totally just watched this business man pay to get a blow job from the town meth dealer. he’s a regular here, and so respectful and nice with a wife and kids. and he just paid Strags to give him head. i love my job.
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side note: don’t ever dye your hair in a bathroom that has no windows.
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going to go dye my hair black cherry.
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i woke up
tangled in her sheets, slowly i opened my eyes, and this little kid was staring at me. i was too hungover to jump or move. i just looked at him, and then closed my eyes wishing him away.
“are you charlene” he asked
“mmhmm” i mumbled
“mimi says i have to be quite because charlene is sleeping” he says.
“that’s a good idea”
“but...
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That hott girl
That quit my job, I just took her to the company christmas party.
I went to pick her up at her place, and she was just wearing a towel cause she just got out the shower. We smoked 2 blunts while she got dressed, and then we went to the party.
It was at a bar so we were drinking and playing around. She said, and I quote “char if I went that way, I’d be your girlfriend, no matter...
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where can i
put in a request for a new family?
do they have suggestion boxes?
i need to find one.
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“can you, can you pass me that violin, please. you’re hogging it.”
– my brother after you have a serious moment and tell him all your problems
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i’ve been meaning to fold my clothes for hours.
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oh baby i love your way, ever day
i wanna tell you i love your way, everyway
i wanna be with you night and day
