March 2012
54 posts
February 2012
68 posts
Anonymous asked: why do you always cover the one eye in your pictures?
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chicken & broccoli and creative writing homework.
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“Yeah, but like women don’t get their period after the first time you give...”
– My 18 year old brother
Housekeepers
Meka: my boo is checking out today
Me: so leave him a note
Meka: oh I already am
Me: does it say how you want to rub his bald head in between your warm thighs
Meka:
Me:
Meka:
Me:
Meka: no
Nothing like coming into work at 7am…still drunk.
The breakfast lady had home fries and a spiked hot chocolate waiting for me.
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Bachlorette Party
I don’t even know how to explain last night.
I got off work at 1130. Changed my clothes in the car as I drove to her house. I walked in grabbed a bottle of crowne sat next to her and took the blunt as it was passed to me. I remember lots of weed booze tits coke and music.
I woke up this morning in bed with the bride. We were both naked and she was wrapped around me. I crawled out from...
happy sunday
laying in bed, watching porn, and eating french toast as my mom gets ready for church.
he walked in on me shooting up again. my first time in 7 months. i had just finished. i could barely open my eyes. i was gone. tears were falling down my cheeks. but i wasn’t here. he licked my tears away. he licked the blood off my arm. he picked me up and walked me to the bed. he tied my wrists to the bed. he traced his fingers all over my body, painting me. he kept bringing me back. he...
1 tag
When will people learn to use google translate before believing what I tell them.
Silas: how do I tell her she has pretty hair
Me: dame cabeza
mamae has dementia
she calls her boyfriend every 2 minutes
he breaks up with her everyday
and she forgets and calls him back.
and he gets mad and breaks up with her again,
like change your number and stop complaining.
4 tags
trying not to be a bitch to the new girl.
BUT i’m horny, and on my period,
so i’m in a bitchie mood.
plus i’m still at work at 530 in the morning.
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i have so much body, but no soul.
Before work
Silas: *feeling my boobs* good morning
Me: I feel like you wouldn't be able to pick me out of a line up if I wasn't topless.
Silas: not true *moves hand to pussy* I could do it even if you weren't wearing pants.
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Telling Mamae that my glass of wine is actually a drink to help me loose weight. That’s why I’m always drinking it.
Using Kelly Clarkson quotes to break up with someone via text.
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2 tags
I have to
interview an entrepenuer. The only one I know is my bosses brother. And he owns a chop shop. And deals drugs out of it…allegedly.
So we are sitting at this mexican bar at 3 in the afternoon. He’s drinking a beer and flirting with the bartender.
Me: what have been some of the greatest challenges in making your business successful.
David: well like maybe I guess the bookies. Yeah, and the cops....
“You are always ticking inside of me and I dream of you more often than I don’t....”
– Sierra DeMulde
Mamae: there is blood on this towel
Me: no it's hair dye
Mamae: oh my, who died
Me: no, HAIR dye
Mamae: I didn't like her anyway
I'm training
This lady for the night audit, so I can start having some weekends off.
And she’s been on the phone all night.
Her crazy pregnant teenage daughter has a shitty boyfriend. He apparently took her cadillac (I know) and drove it drunk after spending the night getting drunk at hooters. And crashed it into something.
She’s yelling at her daughter saying he’s not allowed back in...
4 tags
excuse me
ignore me.
i’m just sitting here, high, in the back of a bible study, and making sex sounds while eating this bangin ass chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
i should also mention, i’m wearing this shirt that is so thin that you can see thru it a little, and i keep leaning sideways because my body feels heavier on the right.
who says i don’t go to church.
i wanna post the mug shot but i feel like that’s doing to much.
i can tell you what he was arrested for.
driving while intoxicated
transporting illegal drugs
possession of marijuana
resisting arrest
assaulting a police officer
it also says he was put in a psych ward to, because they thought he was crazy, but really he had just taken two times the amount of lsd as a normal person...
well well well
i got bored and googled my boss. and guess who has a mug shot and a long arrest record in texas. you guys don’t understand. but this is amazing.
I was so sick yesterday
It’s all a blurr really. I remember bits and pieces. I remember him stopping by with soup and weed. He fed me while we watched Drop Dead Fred. And then we smoked. He gave me an orgasm and then smiled. He lit another blunt, took a couple hits, kissed me and told me to get better and left.
How come pepto bismal is such a pretty color, but tastes like that big chalk you used to draw hopscotch on the sidewalk with.
How long has it been out, and we still can’t make it taste any better.
“Go twat your mybook friends”
– My uncle
I'm at the doctors office
With my grandmother. And this old guy paid at the counter. And then when he was walking away he dropped a 50 dollar bill on the floor. My first thought was “I wonder if I can get that without anyone seeing”. But then this teenager ran over and grabbed it and gave it back to the guy. It was so sweet.
Sales woman
Her: I have this drink that will change your life.
Me: no thank you.
Her: you don't want to change your health?
Me: no
Her: you don't wanna be a healthier person?
Me: no *drinks dr. pepper*
Her:
Me:
Her:
Me: *sips more dr. pepper*
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